I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
God I need to hump something, right now.
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