my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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