Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just want nice things and good sex
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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