No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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