My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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