I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
