I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
