Already got asked if we're dating
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
