after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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