allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you guys were way drunker than both of me
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
