Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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