are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
