I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
