i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
