me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
