ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
