You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
