I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
