Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
