so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You smell like a Billy Joel song
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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