carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
