Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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