My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
