Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
