No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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