Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
