My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
