Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
