when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
