theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
