Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
