i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
