so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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