My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Randomize
