so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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