I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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