i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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