I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
