So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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