I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
