yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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