1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My feet surprised me
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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