Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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