If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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