So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
