I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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