did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
