Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
