Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
