I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
