My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
