This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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