do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
