some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
