Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
