That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
