It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
